Kuma’s a Popular

This specific photo of mine has gotten quite popular on Flickr.

Go, Kuma!

Still Your Parents @ 21

My mom called me yesterday afternoon while I was at work because she needed someone to just talk to.  She usually tries and calls me first to see what I’m doing because she wants to go out to dinner with me and my brother or something.

Yesterday, significantly, was January 29th — my parents’ anniversary.  That day is just haunted with bad memories itself over the past decade and more.  My parents are legally separated as of last year.  It was an ugly split.  It’s always been an ugly split since it all surfaced.

Well, my mom was calmly upset about my dad who she says has been acting like an asshole to everyone lately, which really isn’t entirely new, but she says having him still live in the house is starting to become unbearable.  My dad hasn’t really been living up to his title of “dad” for who knows how long… let along the title of “husband”.

He’s been cheating on my mom since college, his first biggest let down happened when I was about 8 years old, my brother was still a baby.  That was the time the idea of divorce was first brought up.  At the time, my relatives had told me that my parents were fighting over money and work when it was really because my dad was caught having an affair.  I never really learn the whole story of it until about last year and the year before when old grudges began to resurface.

My dad stopped wearing his wedding band and wore another ring in replacement, or at least kept it on him until he left it on the bathroom counter one day.  It was a ring that was given to him by the woman he had an affair with 13 years ago.  We thought he had still been talking to her… which he was, but he was having an affair with somebody else.

(My mom and dad are both registered nurses who work in the same hospital.  My mom works during the day and my dad takes the graveyard shift).

My mom finally informed me of everything — from the cell phone bills, my dad’s paycheck stub, work schedule, the ring, a firesafe that she and brother had broken into.  There was so much evidence against him.  I didn’t know what to do… who to believe…  My dad kept telling my brother and I that he didn’t cheat on my mom, but he was obviously lying.

This other person was a woman he worked with at night.  Worst of all, she was married, with two kids who are no older than 10 years.  She knew what was going on.  She didn’t care.
I called her cell phone number that my mom had gotten from one of the cellphone bills.
When she answered, I just wanted to release rage on her.
Instead,  I asked calmly, “How does it feel knowing that you’re tearing someone else’s family apart?”
And hung up.

Apparently she called my dad that same day.
My dad came home livid and telling me to stay out of his business.

This was probably one of the first times I really stood up to my dad as scary as it was.  I was screaming at him and crying, telling him how much it hurt me and my brother and my mom that he was doing this.  All he could do was say that he wasn’t do anything.  His mouth just spat out so many lies.  Then he started telling me to get out of the house because I didn’t belong there because I “left”/moved out.  I just shot back “Why don’t you leave?  There’s no reason for you to be here.  You don’t care about anyone but yourself and your new girlfriend!”

Over a span of weeks my dad and I fought every time we came across each other.  On top of fighting with my mom or my brother when I wasn’t around.

My dad stopped being a dad a long time ago…
He stopped being a real husband farther back than I even knew.

Maybe he’s going through a midlife crisis…
I don’t know.

Till this day he doesn’t talk to me like I’m his daughter, or treat anyone else in his family like they’re family in any way.  When he does things for me and my brother, like cook for us, there’s no love in it anymore.  He just cooks up something and just tosses it up on the table.  He usually throws hurtful, yet discreet, comments in my direction.  As much as I don’t like hearing it, I just sponge it up and let it out later.

On the phone (yesterday), my mom straight out told me how my dad hated me now (technically hates those who are against him).  He didn’t want me under their health insurance, etc., and says that I don’t deserve anything from anybody.

She said that she didn’t want to deal with my dad anymore and how she didn’t want him there.  She wanted to start a new life without him; with or without somebody new and better.  She wants to have a divorce after my brother graduates from high school, which is next summer.  But she’s not sure what’ll happen when it comes down to the financial split.

She asked me what I thought about it: her being with someone else after my dad and what I thought about my dad in the first place.  I told her if she really wanted to, just go for it.  She has nothing holding her back now.  If she wanted to, I wouldn’t think anything less.  She doesn’t love my dad anymore.  My dad, to me, is nothing but a person who happens to be residing in my mom’s house.  Sad, but true.

When the divorce happens, my dad will want everything, or most of it… considering that he avoids working often and just sits around all day doing nothing or pretends to go to work to meet up with friends.

Last night I did a lot of crying about everything.  Just a lot of “why” questions.
Not just my family, but my relatives’ families, have been broken due to affairs and other spousal problems.  It scares me more than anything.  I’m afraid that this “curse” will hit my family the day I decide to have one.

As far as my dad goes, I don’t know what will happen to him.  I don’t know how much he’ll still want to be around or be a dad to begin with.  People change over time.  It’s been a while since something good has come out of him, but I guess we’ll just waiting around and see.

No matter how old you are, parents are still parents.
When one ends up stepping out of your life, it still hurts.

Let There Be Lightroom

I’ve been having sinus headaches for the past three days or so. It’s driving me somewhat nuts — on the edge of knocking out over a table in the middle of doing something or other. Hopefully they go away. The Ibuprofen isn’t working too well… I think it’s the cold weather that’s making me feel this way. THAT, or it’s “that time of the month”… TMI? Haha.

Anyway, I’ve been messing with Adobe Lightroom for the past hour or two. I completely forgot I had it. I’ve been using iPhoto ‘08 for my photos because I’m used to it. I love iPhoto’s and Lightroom’s interfaces… but I prefer Lightroom for many reasons. It handles RAW images a lot better, the quality is consistent after processing. (I hear Aperture is just as good, but I don’t have it). You can also edit Metadata, have custom identity plates, create beautiful slideshows, a good amount of printing options, and also a Web gallery.

If you’d like to try it out, go here. You can download a 30-day trial. (I suggest this software for those who use RAW image files more than JPG/JPEG or anybody that deals with high-res JPGs).

Kuma’s back home (to those of you who care, lol). He’s better behaved than last time. He wasn’t eating much… which I found out later it was because of constipation with an addition to an upset stomach. But, he’s still the playful puppy he’s always been with less nipping (thank God). He prefers playing with his toys and whatever else he’s allowed to play with.

Yesterday, Tommy came over. He, Adam, Carey, and I hung out for it and then had dinner at Chili’s. Afterwards watched Meet the Spartans then headed back home to hang out some more and play a game of Taboo.

Before Taboo, Carey and I took on the “Cinnamon Challenge”. What is the cinnamon challenge? Look it up on YouTube if you want to see. But, what you do is take about a tablespoon (or more if you have a big enough mouth to handle it or you’re just that daring) of ground cinnamon and put it in your mouth. You have to eat it without choking/coughing and/or puking it out. Carey and I both took about one tablespoon and a half. Carey ate it all in about 2 minutes or so. I lasted for about a minute until I decided that I wasn’t going to take anymore and chucked everything that was in my mouth off the third story balcony of my apartment building… LOL.

Once I had put the powder into my mouth, there was no such thing as chemical digestion. I would have to say my whole mouth was cake-layered with the powder, even possibly clogging my saliva glands because it was just too thick. Yeah… Brown-toothed and cotton-mouthed isn’t the best way to go.

There will be video up on here soon with Carey and I taking on the Cinnamon Challenge.

In the end, I was really happy that I lost. Carey ended up regretting eating the mouthful of cinnamon because he ended up with an upset stomach. I couldn’t really taste anything for the rest of the night. Carey didn’t eat much himself. Hahah.

So I’ve spent the last hour training my dog on this makeshift obstacle course that I “built” inside my apartment. Although it feels like I’m building a fort… lol. He’s afraid of heights, so I’m trying to get him used to it. Also, I’m trying to train him to jump over things. Since he’s broken his leg, he seems to avoid jumping, unless it’s for a treat. But, either way it’s good exercise. He is a little chubby after all (no thanks to my parents -_-:).

And… also, I’ve start a Word Count Journal. What is it?
Go here for the homepage or here for my journal(s) page.

They can explain it a lot better than I probably can.

On that note, I shall take my leave. These headaches aren’t getting any better by staring at my computer screen all day. However, I did upload more photos on my Flickr account, you can check them out but clicking on the widget to the right, or just go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimberlymae

Bye, everyone!

P.S.
I’ve been meaning to write a better post, but I can’t with this burning headache. =/